A year in review has been cropping up on face book everyday now. It is an interesting down memory lane kinda gimmick that gets people all excited. It is interesting to see pictures of what the year has been for us. I suppose more than anyone else it is for our own satisfaction; it is an announcement to the world, that hey.. I had a good year!
As I was seeing all this I realized I hardly put up any pictures of my “adventures’’ in the year. This year was a year of learning new things, emotional and personal growth, reflections on what and where my life is going, hence, I didn’t feel inclined to post any pictures or any updates on the medium. And yet strangely I felt quietly jealous.
The question I was facing then was: was I jealous for a petty thing like no uploaded pictures so I couldn’t show off to the world or was it because this year was more of a pained understanding of what life really is…and that I didn’t really have much to show on a physical basis what I learnt, how I spent my year… that I really didn’t have any fun adventures or holidays or experiences…
We all know life is not fun all the time. We all go through tough times. Yet, our personal tough time seems harder than any other person we know. It seems the world is having fun, enjoying life, and being carefree, going about achieving their dreams and here we are stuck in a time zone of our own making.
Stuck and unable to get out…
As I went reminiscing about this past year, about losses, financial insecurity, hearty cries, desperation and above all emotional insecurity I realized tough times happen for a reason… they are there to show you who you really are.
Facing all my problems I understood that they would either break me or make me. And I decided somewhere along the days, without knowing I was making this decision, that these days will make me stronger, better, faster, richer in experience, in understanding and above all a far better person.
This year brought about many changes, many experiences that I have no proof of. That I really cant upload with a simple click. They are in my head and heart. Living forever as learning of life.
Last year during a new years party that I went to, I wasn’t in the mood for it and yet I went, primarily because it was close friends and they wanted to see my smile. So I smiled, I pretended to laugh to have a good time. I wasn’t drunk that night but still I went to a sofa in the corner and lay down. Wanting to sleep. Wanting reality to fade away and dreams, good dreams, coming my way. I genuinely wanted to smile, and laugh… but I couldn’t.
This year as a year in review (not in pictures) I have achieved a lot in life and yet I am in the space that I was in right at the beginning. So I decide that the purpose of this review is to release and take decisions. I will get un-stuck, move on ahead, follow my true path, and truly be carefree. Because being carefree is the true gift people can really gift themselves.
And honestly I can use it too…